2023: How it Changed for Me

I am still working on writing about my trip to Amsterdam but for now I am feeling really reflective with the end of the year rearing its head. 2023 has been such a wild year, full of joy, pain, loss and growth. Although there have been so many formative memories and moments from this year, the turning point of my year probably took place with one particular whirlwind week in June.

 Early in the month I went on a trip with my friend Sara to Philly for the first time to see an Ed Sheeran Concert. We drove down for a quick weekend trip, screamed our lungs out at the concert, took pictures with landmarks, found a flower field and went home. But this trip was just the beginning for me. In fact, I came home and packed a suitcase to do it all over again.

This wasn’t just a normal trip though. See, I had a work trip to kick off the week, a friend’s wedding at Disney and a solo trip to Los Angeles to finish it off. For a person like me it was literally three separate wardrobes. I remember being so anxious for this trip I booked and planned an entire trip to Nashville the week before.

It started with a flight to Chicago out of Newark. My flight was a little delayed, so in typical Shauna fashion I went to the bar. I was quickly approached by someone, which initially put me off but it turned out that this guy just wanted to vent. He was Canadian, but worked 50/50 in New York and had told me that there were fires that had delayed his trip back to Toronto for several hours. He had been in the airport all day. Initially, he was sitting at a different bar and was getting harassed by a woman with a full glass of vodka trying to live stream with him.

I told him what I did for a living and how this trip was a culmination of months of work and planning, and I was super nervous for it. Turns out he worked right near one of our stores and had never been. While we were talking though, an older woman sat down near us and he encouraged her to sit with us. We all went around explaining our different reasons for being at the bar, and although she seemed fine initially, I was completely shocked by what I heard next.

It turned out she was at the airport because she is initially from New Jersey, and was home because her granddaughter was killed by a drunk driver. She had come up from Florida and was her daughter’s rock through this incredibly painful time. She told us how her granddaughter was days away from graduating high school, had gotten into an amazing college and had a wonderful life ahead of her. We learned that she was able to graduate posthumously, and that the President even acknowledged her and how intelligent she was. The gentleman sitting with me mentioned that his daughter was the same age and I could tell he was also really shaken up. I was so engrossed in this conversation, I nearly missed boarding my flight to Chicago and had to run while shouting my well wishes and reflected on how many different stories were in that airport alone.

I was really nervous about coming off as professional the next few days on my work trip. It felt like a lot of pressure because all of these people were flying from different cities in North America. Naturally, I hid my Ariel backpack in my hotel room, but it was no use. I ended up realizing how many nerds were among us instead. I feel like things went more or less well, but I never really know how people feel about me and I am always one to assume the worst.

This time I didn’t really see much of Chicago, but to me I preferred being around nice people rather than some of my previous trips there where I just ventured around alone. I also knew there were so many steps left in my journey after the fact.

In less than 48 hours I was back at O’Hare, and got to experience the fun (?) of flying Southwest to Anaheim. However, I did have to layover in Phoenix first which kind of sucked. So it was two anxiety inducing Southwest “self seating” lineups. My friends were already in Anaheim and they had trouble checking into the hotel room right as I was taking off.

I ended up spending the flight to Phoenix trying to help them get into the room, but nothing worked. Of course the only way they could get in would be me calling the hotel and giving them permission, but even with in-flight wifi, it was the one thing I couldn’t do. Instead I was on chat with the Marriott tech support team who were of no help. The moment I landed, I sorted it out, and then paced the entire airport, dragging my bag with me, and called a few of my closest.

I landed in Anaheim LATE, but thankfully everyone was still up. My friend Casey was getting married in a few days, but before the big day a bunch of us were going to Disney! I hadn’t been to Disney in nearly 10 years so I was stoked.

Originally, I was supposed to take this trip by myself to Anaheim, which was a little nerve-wracking. I booked a room with two beds because it was weirdly cheaper than one— and also in case I could rope someone to come with me, since I had an open plus one that I was dragging my feet on. A few weeks leading up to the wedding my friend Rose called me out of the blue. She explained that she originally had declined her invitation to the wedding due to some serious personal issues. Some things had changed for her, and before she even got the sentence out, I said “a million times yes, not only can you be my plus one, you can stay in my room with me, I have an extra bed.”

The two of us have known each other since middle school and have a complicated history to say the least. Due to one particular boy we won’t speak of, at one point didn’t speak for literal years. This was a particularly special moment for me, our high school selves would never have believed we would be here together having the best time.

We opened and closed the park both days we were there which was crazy. On the first day we had different park hoppers so I solo’d Disney for the first few hours while they were at California Adventure—sadly, my tripod got taken away at the entrance which really upset me because I wanted to take my own photos and not ask strangers. At the entrance Chip and Dale were taking pictures with people, so I got in a short line and then immediately felt overwhelmed by emotion and started crying (I held it together for the pic). Although I wasn’t supposed to be Disney-bounding as Ariel on Day 1, a lot of people thought I was because of my hair so I went with it. I also met a cute girl named Grecia who was dressed like Ariel, and we immediately connected. Since the new Little Mermaid movie just came out, there was a whole set up there for the live-action Ariel— and she wasn’t there we snuck under the partitions and took some pictures. I left her for 30 seconds, and she immediately called me to tell me live-action Ariel was there and she held a spot for me in line as I ran to get a photo. Disney Magic at its finest.

By this time, Rose and another friend of mine from High School, Kim had let me know that they were in line at the Star Wars Smugglers Run ride. When I got there, I let the attendant know my friends were on the ride thinking somehow there would be a secret passage to take me there. She said, “you can go through to find them but it’ll be a lot of ‘excuse me’s.’” So I did. I remember making eye-contact with Kim and I just saw her say “OMG she’s really doing it".” 10/10 worth it. Also Rose got to be a pilot so it was just an overall win.

The rest of our time at Disney we went on so many rides, met up with Casey and Laura, got food poisoning, the works. Rose even got to meet her husbando Darth Vader and I got to scream over Kylo Ren. I got to wear the dress and Mickey Ears I had made specifically for the trip, and by the end we were so exhausted from opening and closing every day, and I was so sore afterwards.

The ultimate highlight was seeing my beautiful friend Casey get married and walk down the aisle to “Beauty and the Beast” as I cried violently. She also had some songs from Kingdom Hearts in the processional, and the music at the wedding was incredible. I wish all my high school friends could have been with us but I am so grateful for the crew we had.

You know how you tend to morph into past versions of yourself when you’re with people from a certain time in your life? It was funny because when the wedding first started, I didn’t get up and start dancing. None of us did. But little Shauna from high school wasn’t versed in the language that is alcohol. I ended up making friends at my table and we went down to the bar together and then took the dance floor by storm. One of the girls at my table Sydney, wanted to dance to “Somewhere Only We Know” since it’s one of her favorite songs, but there was no one on the dance floor. Naturally, I asked her if she wanted to slow dance with me, and we had a whole moment together alone on the dance floor that we mostly played for laughs. It was heavily enhanced when another guest got up and started dancing with his slice of cake on the plate. Although my high school friends were initially reluctant to come dance, I shared my alcohol with them, and even Rose was bouncing around with us to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” A moment of growth across the board.

At the very end a very sweet slow song played and we all formed a circle around Casey and Jared. We all swayed to the music as they looked at each other so intimately, and she sang the lyrics to the song, that were incredibly heartfelt, directly to him. The joy only lasted so long, because I had to quickly grab my bags and head out to the final leg of my trip that same night.

It must have been after midnight when I got out of my Uber in LA. I had stayed at this particular hotel a few times in the past, so thankfully I was familiar with it when I stumbled in. I tried to wake up as early as I could the next morning. Although the hotel I stayed in was famous (though honestly reasonably priced for DTLA), I hadn’t kept up with what had been filmed there since 2013 when I was last there. Turns out my girl Taylor Swift filmed her music video for “Delicate” in this very hotel (there was a picture of her in the hallway). It also happens to be one of my favorite songs by her ever.

I tried to get up as early as I could to go for a walk and try out a few bakeries I had saved. After two successful trips to Pitchoun Bakery and Bottega Louie— I then headed to Best Buy to get myself a new tripod, since the one I brought was aforementioned confiscated.

At this point I should mention yet another curveball to my story. Randomly just a few days before my trip, my childhood friend Lucas had posted on Insta about being back in LA. Although we don’t talk super regularly, I ended up dm-ing him to see if he’d be free while I was there, and I lucked out. The funny thing is that although we had loosely stayed in touch, I hadn’t SEEN him since I was 13 when I moved away. And yet, here he was picking me up from Best Buy in Los Angeles. Insanity.

Despite being more than half my life ago since I had seen him, it was like no time had passed. Still the same guy I’d always known in the best way ever. In a way it was my 13 Going on 30 moment, since we had that exact time gap since I had last seen him. It was really amazing learning about his life and reminiscing on everything from the crazy Pokemon card trades we made and the drama that ensued, our obsession with Hamtaros, screaming Lizzie McGuire over and over, and random memories from our old block. He reminded me that even as a kid when we played Teen Titans, I always wanted to be Starfire and would fight with him over getting to be her.

We got some coffee in K-Town and I got to see his cool apartment that was in the neighborhood. Then naturally we spent the rest of the day in Little Tokyo, carefully scanning all of the stores for all of the unique merch. There was an amazing ramen place where we got a Ramune for old times sake. We even found a store that sold Pokemon cards and went back and forth about them for a good while. He had told me that he lost all of his Pokemon cards which kind of broke my heart. Me being me, immediately got him a few packs to restart his collection (and maybe some for me too).

At some point, I found a Jigglypuff figure and we took some cool film photos on his camera. Then we found a Japanese grocery store and got some snacks and drinks, found a place to sit and just chatted and opened our Pokemon cards until the sun started to go down. It was a really special day

The final day, I spent the first half of it on my own just walking around. I went to a food hall and the Last Book Store of course, and took some self photos. For a little bit I met up with one of my friends from college who also lives out in LA and took her to Terra at Eataly. The last crazy moment of this trip was when we went upstairs, one of my coworkers who was at the leadership summit in Chicago was working there that day. It was so bizarre that I was still on the same suitcase, in my fifth state in a week chatting with her.

My friend and I caught up, walked around the mall for a bit. I dragged her to the American Girl store where I learned that this year’s Girl of the Year is Kavi, an Indian-American Girl from Jersey who’s a huge theatre nerd. She also has ADHD and she was shown dressed as Glinda from Wicked. It warmed my heart because Wicked was my gateway musical when I was 13 and felt very connected to this doll immediately and her story.

Our meet-up was quick because I actually had to catch my flight that day. I went back to my hotel, grabbed my same suitcase for the last time, and headed out for an hour + Uber ride. (I apologize for the cryptic nature of this next part). Although I had the time of my life on this trip, my heart was hurting a little bit. In this vulnerable state, I decided to make a phone call while I was on this Uber ride. I went into this call thinking was going to go one way, and it very much did not. It ended up going on for a few hours, while I was in line for security, phone through the metal detector, everything. It was painful, it was cathartic, and honestly I think it’s what I needed.

All of these beautiful meetings over the course of the week, new beginnings, connecting with old friends, culminated with the devastating closing of a door. Even if at that moment I was crying and drinking alone in the airport at 1am my time, it was probably the most important moment for me in 2023. I took my red-eye with the whole conversation playing back in my head all night, I landed in NY at 7am, and I was finally fully free to move on with my life. I’ve never felt lighter than I had in that moment. As I landed I realized that the Canadian wildfires were clear of Chicago while I was there, and once they got there I was in California—although NY was hit pretty hard, it was in stable condition when I had gotten home. I successfully avoided that by chance as well.

Reflecting back on this year, my mind goes back to this week over and over. It was just so powerful in so many ways and as the year’s midpoint, it really took its place as the turning point of my year. I learned that life does move on in unexpected ways, and that my support system is everywhere. Somehow I tangibly got to see how I’ve grown over the course of my life— childhood, high school, college, work. I’ve never felt luckier and more grateful than I do right now. The way everything came together in that single week had such an impact on my year, and I know I will never forget it.